[public]

[misfitted]

I know a lot about death, but it's not just because of how many people I loved that died before I came here.

It's also because I died. Twice.

And sometimes it's felt weird that I'm still here.

Comments

hngh.

[misfitted]

Really didn't want to announce this to the world.

[allthesigns.livejournal.com]

[... Ow. She has never asked about his life before the Rift, and somehow it's still a smack in the face to read.]

I guess it makes sense it would feel weird, but there has to be a reason you're still here.

I wish it hadn't made you announce it to the world.

[misfitted]

[jrke;a sorry Sarah. ;;]

I'm sorry you had to find out this way. I wanted to tell you before. It's

The dream that woke me up that one night.

I don't regret being here at all. It's just

It feels weird sometimes. Not lately. I

The second time it was for awhile.

[misfitted]

Sarah...

[misfitted]

Are you okay?

[allthesigns.livejournal.com]

You've said that before. [It's not an accusation, but it's not the first or second time he's apologized and said he's wanted to tell her something after she's found out, and he'd... have told her if he did.]

Us being friends doesn't mean you have to tell me everything, Jeremy.

I get it. I do.

Why are you asking me if I'm okay? I'm the one that should be asking you.

[misfitted]

Yeah, I know. I've meant it both times.

I know that too. I'm just saying that I've wanted to. It's just a weird subject to bring up.

Because you didn't seem like you were okay. I mean I don't know if it's weird for you or

I dream about it sometime. It feels weird sometimes but not lately.

[allthesigns.livejournal.com]

Okay.

I was worried. I just found out that you died twice. It's not that it's weird. That's not the word. I don't know what the word is but that's not the word.

It'd be a really big adjustment for the one time but it happened twice, so that's. [BRAIN BREAKING FOR AN ANGEL OF DEATH .-.]

It's okay if it's weird. If it still feels weird. You're allowed to feel however you want to feel. I just want you to be okay, that's all.

[misfitted]

Look I saw your

Your friend's entry too.

Just I don't know if you can see me now or you need space, but if you can come over, you should.

[allthesigns.livejournal.com]

I'm fine.

You don't have to worry about me. I'm worried about you.

I'm fine.

[smokeblowsblack.livejournal.com]

Sounds like one hell of a life you had there, son.

[misfitted]

I think it's a Gilbert thing.

Right after I died the second time, I ended up here

[smokeblowsblack.livejournal.com]

I'd hate to think that it is.

I can't begin to imagine what it's like, so I won't pretend to, but I think it's natural it'd feel weird sometimes. Can't say I'm not glad you're still around, though.

[misfitted]

I'd like to think it wasn't.

I know. I'm really glad I'm still around too. It's just been better here for a lot of reasons.

[smokeblowsblack.livejournal.com]

You'd let us know if the feeling weird becomes a problem, yeah?

locked }

[kiss_evilgoodbye]

That feeling never really goes away, either.

locked }

[misfitted]

You too?

That's not reassuring, but I'd rather have the truth anyway. How do you deal with it?

locked }

[kiss_evilgoodbye]

Me too. Twice. The first time they revived me with CPR and it wasn't a big deal, but the second time ...

I was dead four months before they had the magic that they needed to revive me. They pulled me out of Heaven.

[there's a pause and maybe a few marks on the page from her pen before she continues]

Take it one day at a time is pretty much the only advice I can really give there. You're here for a reason. You were brought back for a reason. Focus on that, and it makes it a little easier.

locked }

[misfitted]

Four months? Okay. Here I was thinking the like twenty minutes that it took me to come back the second time was a lot.

Why would

Four months is a long time to try to bring someone back. I'm sorry.

[he can't really imagine that. he wasn't dead long enough to get a sense for what being dead meant in his world. Or maybe he was, it was dark.]

Okay, thank you for the advice. It happened like six months ago now so I'm still adjusting. I'll try to keep that in mind.

locked }

[kiss_evilgoodbye]

Bringing someone back from the dead is complicated magic. They wanted to make sure they were getting it right, and there wouldn't be any side effects.

If you ever just ... want to talk about it



It's easier if it's someone who understands.

[descendent.livejournal.com]

The kind of weird you were telling me about before?

[misfitted]

Yeah, it's not all the time.

It hasn't even been lately that I've felt like that. I feel like I fit here.

[descendent.livejournal.com]

That's not what I'm worried about.

When you were brought back, you mentioned feeling different. I hate I wasn't there and there's so much I didn't live through with you.

[misfitted]

I know. I'd tell you if it got worse.

Elena, it's fine. You were there. An Elena was there, and I wouldn't want you to have gone through that.

[descendent.livejournal.com]

Okay. I'd want you to come to me if it did, or if something ever felt off. Anything at all. We still haven't found out how the Rift changed you, so there's that, too.

I'll keep reminding myself she was. [Weird as it is to think of another Elena. If he was going through something, she should have gone through it with him. She's never not going to feel that way.]